saved my life

omg guys i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo buuuusy.

ha! no. i'm not. i'm, like, normalbusy. or maybe even less. probably less.

but after being so very unbusy i was almost so very unalive, having stuff to do is SOOO GREAT! and also, whoa. hey the internets! i guess i don't have all the time ever for you.

well it is only my first day as a subscriber, but it looks to me like today in tabs is totes gonna be all upons with the life saving, now that i'm not queen of the webs. this rusty foster character boils down the day on the internets, all those tabs you should be opening and reading, but, duh, who has time, you are just gonna close them at the end of the day and feel like you FAILED at being informed about pop culture, feminism, politics, adorable things, and so on and so on. or. jokes! a snippet of today's:

oh and also, remember tab? remember when they brought tab back and me and cynthia loved it but then they took it away again? i know, right?

also: pink.

happy monday, real humans!

mudded

more soon with a full tough mudder race report when words make sense and can go in an order again. but for today:

this was the best thing. after a week (and a while) of doubting my body and my mind, it was all the things to feel strong and powerful and brave and tough. now i am home and bruised and scrambled and happy.

ff

all this week i have been calling myself a princess in my brain cause i wanted to feel special or something. and then i saw this, and it made me glad.



(now this come to me by way of an article about the less-great thing disney is up to, with its new game 'city girl'. ew. see, i don't think that kids should be playing games of what real life is like, as the author talks about - the difficulties and realities of being a woman in a city like NY - but i DO agree that, HEY LET'S NOT TELL OUR GIRLS THAT COMPETITION WITH YOUR 'FRIENDS' AND WHO IS BEST DRESSED IS HOW YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL! if you're going to make a game about getting out there and living it up in the city, why not make a game with 100 awesome weird jobs you could get! think of all the whacky amazing cool jobs there are in a city like NY! endless. that would be a super great game. and i love clothes and decorating, and you don't have to get rid of those elements completely, but they should not not NOT be the purpose. unless its a game called 'city shopping' or something. anyway. princesses.)

happy friday, your highnesses.

off and back.

i spent years feeling unsettled... always working towards a something. i don't remember when it started exactly. university? just after? i am not sure. it seems like forever ago. there was always a something. tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow... forever waiting to be living completely.

(probably it is a 20s something. feeling like you are preparing for being a whole thing. (almost out of those. 20s...))

anyways. i wasn't, anymore, for a little while. just for a few months. all of the things stopped being somewhere else and were just being. i loved all of the things right here and right now. i was present and happy and good. job life home friends love city. it's not that before i was unhappy. just not there.

and then: there.

still looking forward and excited and wondering and nervous... but there. here... present.

and now. not, again. waiting. looking. and it is harder to go backwards. it turns out. than to feel behind in the first place. i am sick of looking forward. making choices for then instead of now. i would like to just be here.

i was very happy and very here.

badassed business

in the last week i have written two (2) very awesome telling-you-what-i-think-but-still-being-nice-but-honest-you-suck emails. i am getting very very good at those types of emails.

i even managed to use some strong words on the phone with a toner pirate... i am very very good at these things at my job.

i wish i wish i was as effective at getting my point across via my-real-life-feelings-not-about-work-talking-and-not-crying-so-much. man that would be great. but not yet. sigh, cry, cry. mumble, sputter, pout.

one more time with feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings... ... ... ... ... ...

{prefall christian dior 2013, photos courtesy of christian dior by way of style.com}

nine to five

alright then. back on track tomorrow. no more sickness please. and no more holiday. real life woooo! here's some nice tailored work-able fashion for to inspire me.

{prefall calvin klein collection 2013, photos by alessandro somma at gorunway.com by way of style.com}

{prefall bottega veneta 2013, photos courtesy of bottega veneta by way of style.com}

ff

i am super excited about today's theme!!! i can't even stop smiling. below is a ted talk that i was directed to by my lovely ballet teacher kate. she was chastising us - her sad adult students - for being defeatist in class. ballet is scary and hard, and you sure as hell can't pirouette if you tell yourself you're going to fall over before you even plié. kate told us about the video. (also, she pokes at us for being so pathetic and scared when we come to dance class for FUNSIES because obviously none of us think we'll be ballerinas... so. duh.)



yaaaaayyyyyy! right? it makes so much sense. generally speaking, women are conditioned to take up less space. to cross their legs. to be petite. sarah has directed me to a social scientist, carol gilligan, who writes about the differences in women's use of their bodies from a young age onto adulthood and who i am SO SO excited to read. sarah gave the example of asking 5 year old and 18 year old girls to kick a soccer ball. the 5 year old will use her whole body - leg through hip through back through arms - and the 18 year old will kick only from the leg. we have the extent of our physical range conditioned out of us. and when i think about how bold and brave and occupying-of-space 10 year old erin was vs the accommodating thing i found myself to be in my early 20s... well. ooooof. i always wondered how i'd lost confidence with age and experience. this feels very true to me. (also, i do believe that i was taught the 'fake-it ' skills without knowing that that's what i was doing, and i have benefitted from that ability many times. thanks mom and dad!)

i feel like i'm too fired up on this particular theme to have made a lot of sense today. but i will read and think and reflect some more, and hopefully write a very coherent series of posts over time. seriously so excited about this. bodies, yo! space! extension!

happy friday!

ff

on tuesday of this week, equal pay day was celebrated. that sad tragic holiday that says 'hey! wouldn't it be nice if we could celebrate equal pay?! it would! be SO NICE! but we can't. sorry! we still suck at paying men and women equally. ooooops!'

or.

why i still expect men to pay for the first date, even though i'm a modern, feminist woman.

when we are equally rewarded for our work, i will happily let that expectation go. you're welcome.

{quote in a quote! david futrelle and hilary m. lips}

*david looks at numbers and more.

but also:

*a good point on people who don't get to be equal, too.

sure, this is american stuff. US, that is. numbers. but. you know. like always. we're really close to that country. think about it. think if there's anything you can do about it. (hint. maybe start with un-gender-essentializing. which is a new term i just invented! because women can totes be inventors.)