ff

cosby is in my province. i am generally really happy to hear how many people have opted not to go to the shows, or to go and protest.

this morning i listened to a cbc news podcast while getting dressed for work, and i had to laugh a dry-mouthed, sick sad laugh, listening to a recording from last night's london ontario show in which, responding to a heckler who was calling him a rapist, cosby is heard saying 'no, no stop...'...

you know. like maybe a woman having her body assaulted might say to her attacker. like maybe any one of the 26+ women who have come forward about being assaulted by cosby.

you know.

a little on the nose. a little vomit-inducing. apparently he was talking to the audience, telling them not to respond to the heckler, and was not talking to the heckler herself. but. you know. still... those words... that context. ugh.

also there is this absolute gem:

"A few minutes earlier, a woman who got up from one of the front rows and walked past the stage was asked by Cosby where she was going.
When she answered that she was going to the lobby to grab a drink, Cosby responded with: "You have to be careful about drinking around me," which drew loud applause."

{from cbc news, as reported by jeff green}

 

 

HAHAHAHA RAPE JOKES! we especially love them from people who are rapists! that's when they're the most resonant and hiiiiilarious, am i right? like: meta. or whatever.

 

all y'all who attended the shows for, you know, the comedy and fun: i could've sworn we were believing women now... remember? remember after ghomeshi? remember when everyone said we were believing women now? oh right, yup, but not when you have to give something up, not when you have to lose an idol, oh right, now i remember. colour me not surprised. colour me fucking tired of it.

 

happy friday, enjoy the jokes.

ff

a friend texted me yesterday, while i was out running work errands, that he was crying over the sentencing in the rehtaeh parsons case.

 

remember her? rehtaeh. we aren't supposed to use her name. remember? remember how well reporting went for her? remember that there was a photograph of her rape, and still she was blamed and shamed and doubted and mocked? remember how cruel the world was to her? remember how she did not survive it? remember how we grieved when she died?

 



{rehtaeh's father, delivering the victim impact statement yesterday as reported by the cbc}

'why wouldn't a person report an assault?'
'we are having a watershed moment!'

{amanda hess writes on rehtaeh for slate.com}

i don't know what justice would look like, exactly. i don't. but i know this isn't it. i don't like prison as a catch-all. but i want something. i want something better than this. a system that rips a girl to shreds when she has already been broken apart.

the system is broken. the system is sick and rotting at its core.

'why wouldn't a person report an assault?'
'we are having a watershed moment!'

forgive me if i am not a believer. forgive me if i am too tired, even, to cry for her again. and for the ones who never got brought out into the public eye, whose assaults stayed 'community matters', who will never even come close to this non-justice-justice, to being heard and believed and cared for.

happy friday, don't forget.

today i read

{denise balkisson}

today? today is anger. (anger is always, if i'm thinking about it. some days i manage not to and then they are not angry. but today is. raging.)

just a minute ago i wrote on facebook:

tired of the ghomeshi shit? too bad. some people have been tired for a long time.
this piece gets, so well, into the rage that i am scared of in myself, that i don't know what to do with. wasn't ray rice a watershed moment? and before him, and before and before and before...

* sorry, we haven't reached a 'watershed' on violence against women

(also. news stories i listened to last week calling the death of two rcmp officers the worst murders in canada's history - not that their deaths aren't awful, but how 'bout the more than 26 women victims of pickton? i can't i can't i can't.)

and this quote, from sue chapman on cbc world at six news, november 3rd. she was asked, about women coming forward with abuse allocations:

as a former prosecutor, what would you say to women as they were expressing these concerns? what would you say to them at the time?

SC: I would explain to them fairly and fully what the issues were, but quite honestly I would also say to them that it’s very much in the public interest that they proceed with the case.  That they be prepared to cooperate and take the years that is [sic] necessary to pursue a prosecution. But privately in my own mind I would often think, however, if you were my sister, I’d tell you to go home now.

emphasis mine.

just think about that for a while.

(i've transcribed the whole interview, if you aren't able to listen to it via the link above. i'm happy to share.)

on sin or evil

* i knew about jian ghomeshi. i never said anything.am i complicit in his alleged abuse?

this is a very good essay that makes me angry and sad all at once.

the anger.

but
i liked doing that show.

i like his show,
i like his team,
i like his movies,
i like his song,

willful blindness. looking away at the necessary moments. because of what we don't want to give up. because we are selfish.

i am not saying i am better or different because i am not. in this instance, with women and what is done to them, sure. but. i have my things. where i fall short. and that is why the sad.
we are all selfish. we all have our areas, we all have our things.

but i like that i can afford that dress,
but i like the coffee there,
but i like the convenience,

sometimes i am overwhelmed with the huge acts of cruelty, hatred, violence in this world we live in. but other times it is the teeny tiniest of evils that we all participate in daily that leave me feeling hopeless. they are so small, but so infinite. how can you get rid of all those passing moments of weakness, selfishness? what on earth do you do with those?

ff emergency edition

 alrighty, canada. this ghomeshi sitch is looking to get really ugly.

where i stand is pretty clear, i think, after a long history of railing against the man... but not everyone knows what i know, or can get up in my heart and see the full conviction of my knowledge, and that's fine.

but if you are thinking about believing his statement, if you are skeptical of the claims against him, i'm gonna need you to be really up to date of information surrounding sexual assault and reporting and so on. so i'm giving you a zillion bits of info. super fun, right? here we go:

* the statistics

if you don't know a survivor of sexual assault it is almost certainly because no one has told you, not because they don't exist in your circles.

* rate of sexual assault tends to remain fairly consistent, but reports to police have declined steadily since 1993

so why aren't women reporting?

* fear and shame, concern about the attitude of both police and the courts

* fear of revictimization in the legal process

and why on earth might ladies not feel like the police or other powers-that-be or the world are on their side?

* "One of the safety tips was for women not to dress like ‘sluts.’" says a police man to a group of university students in toronto

* "“Nobody comes out of the Ched Evans rape case with any credit – not the victim who’d drunk so much she could barely stand, nor the two footballers who had sex with her in the most sordid of circumstances.”" says a bbc host

* "...a judge ruled that what the defendant did was technically rape, but it wasn't rape-rape because the fact that woman was all gussied up in heels and fancy clothes meant that "sex was in the air.""

* there is video of a woman beaten to unconsciousness by her partner, and she still gets blamed and shamed

* "...these are the harms we persistently lack the (legal) language to describe, the experiences to which our laws, our campus policies, our media and our Title IX activism are ceaselessly unresponsive." on dating violence.

* "It appears a growing number of young girls are not only being sexually assaulted on campus, but have come to think of it as a normal part of their educational experience." said in 2008    
         
* "The trauma of the rape and ongoing bullying caused depression and suicidal thoughts."

quick break. how 'bout some puppies?

{thanks, that helps, cutest paws!}

on we go.

* people think 'survivor privilege' is a thing

* people think 'rape culture' is NOT a thing

* talking about anything that is well loved (like a radio icon, say, or video games, perhaps) can cause an outpouring of hate and abuse that is not only appalling, but also terrifying and damaging

* like, say, you speak up about being afraid of an aggressive anti-woman movement, and immediately are targeted by that movement

* like, say, if your attacker plays football

* and again, with the football

* rape apologia is especially present when Famous Men are involved

break.
here's a pile of kittens.

{thanks for that, cat lovers only!}

okay, back at it. here's a fun little thread:

* "A police officer in Detroit is charged with sexually assaulting a woman who called 911 during a domestic violence incident."

* "A San Jose police officer is accused of raping a woman who called 911 following a domestic violence incident."

* "A police officer in Baltimore, Maryland is accused of raping a woman he was supposed to be helping after a traffic accident."

* "Oklahoma City police officer Daniel Ken Holtzclaw was released from jail Friday as he faces charges for allegedly sexually assaulting 7 different African American women while he was on duty. Among the claims against him are forcible rape, burglary, and felonious stalking."

* "Two Los Angeles Police Department officers are under investigation for allegedly preying on women over a period of five years, luring them into an unmarked car and forcing them to perform sex acts, according to court records."

* "The officers were found to have violated police procedure by returning to the apartment of a drunk woman they escorted home, and Moreno went so far as to admit he cuddled with her while she wore only a bra."

* "...a Manhattan jury made up of highly educated professionals refused to convict Officer Michael Pena of rape for a startling reason — the victim could not recall the color of a car parked by the courtyard where she was forced to her knees, sources told The Daily News Thursday.“If she doesn’t remember these details, how does she know she was penetrated,” one of the holdouts reportedly said, according to sources."

 i could do this all day. for many days. the examples are endless.

so i don't wanna hear 'why don't they just go to the police' re: ghomeshi's victims. okeedokes? until you have read through each and every one of these links in their entirety, and maybe followed some of the links IN the links, leading to even more examples and more examples and more.... until then? i will not tolerate even the smallest hint of victim-blaming from my friends and acquaintances.

now here's a slow loris.

{seriously, you're the greatest, thank you zoobourns!}