news

* location of the newest mass shooting revealed
* desperate nation tries getting on board with mass shootings

can we make a deal? can we only have the onion report on shootings from now on?
because today, there's really just one thing that i think has anything honesty ringing through it. maybe you remember it?

* fuck everything, nation reports

can we just stop? pretending to care. pretending to be horrified. i mean.
i know we care on an individual level. of course we care. of course we are horrified.
but i'm talking collectively. the states. our neighbour. us.

can we not get up and make a speech about how 'unimaginable' it is?

that word is beyond ridiculously ill-fitting. of course it is imaginable. come on. can we not say shit like that to the victims' families and friends? to the people who witnessed it. can we not patronize them with words that ring so false? no one cares. nothing will be done. we will talk for a little while, and we will clutch at our hearts and we will shout and cry, and we will not so much forget as we will just not... and then it will happen again. and we will say all the same things, and we will pound our hands on the table, and we will declare that now is the time. we will reignite conversations rand repeat them pretty much exactly like we did last time, like, how long ago? fuck off. stop it.  it is embarrassing and it is gross. so let's just not. let's just shut it. let there be some god damn silence because maybe, maybe, there can be a moment of genuine solace in that void. instead of this bullshit cacophony.

when i learned about columbine, i threw up. it was the most heartbroken i'd been in my little life. it was the most devastating thing for my poor little sensitive heart. i was in grade 9. it was a madness i could not begin to get my head around. i didn't understand my own anger. i didn't understand anything about it at all. the hurt i felt was everywhere. whole body. i was shaken to my core. utterly lost.

i am easily affected by tragedy. i take on emotion so deeply. i am emotional. this is something we know about me. i've wept for a lot less than a school-full of murdered children. on the wrong day someone tripping getting off the streetcar can bring me to tears.

when i looked at the scrolling updates from washington and i shrugged. the only word that surfaced in response was 'yup'.

yup. shrug.

i'm sorry that your deaths won't matter. i'm sorry nothing will change. i'm sorry guns are more important than you. than we.

shrug.

i'm going to go back to listening to britney now.

ff

i hate the nra so much i can't see straight. (i mean, maybe too that's the stomach flu i've had all week messing with my brain. but mostly nra hate.) i hate guns. we know this. they make me so deeply sick and angry. i don't necessarily hate people who hunt or whatever. but. guns as personal defence? guns in the home? hate i can't control hate.

so, of course i'm oh so very vomitey mad about:

*the ex-girlfriend target

holy shit, you've got to be joking, but of COURSE YOU'RE NOT! ugh beyond all ughs.

"Gun violence is a gendered issue since it impacts women and men in very different ways. Because women are more vulnerable to violence within the home than men (and men are most often the perpetrators of violence against women), the presence of a gun makes females less safe, not more. How do we know? A woman's likelyhood of a violent death within the home actually increases by 270% when a gun is kept inside the house. Homicide figures don't lie. Having a gun within their possession didn't protect women from murder. In fact, it accurately predicted their higher likelyhood of death."

{elizabeth plank at policymic}

i know we talked about that sort of statistic in a haha way with louis ck. but this isn't funny, guys. it isn't. it is exhaustively sad that this exists. intolerably exhaustively sad. usa you scare me so hard. you are an insane place.