ff

this week emily yoffe, aka dear prudie, wrote an exceptionally idiotic and irresponsible piece of victim-blaming drivel about girls and drink culture and rape.

i'm not linking to it cause, ew, dude, you don't deserve the traffic. i found it because they had her on to talk about it on double x, the slate so-called feminist podcast. i can't even begin to express my 'ugh' after listening to that bullshit episode.

i'm not surprised that people continue to write stupid ass pieces about rape being, really, kinda sorta, ohi'msorrytohavetosayit, alittlebit THE VICTIM'S FAULT... (but she's not 'victim blaming', she continues to shout at the internets.)

what surprised and sickened me is that double x talked about the piece as if it was: something new. like. OMG has anyone ever noticed that sometimes ALCOHOL is involved in the sexual violence perpetuated against women and girls?! and, WORSE YET, has anyone ever noticed that high school and university experiences often involve IRRESPONSIBLE DRINKING?!

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that shit. sorry, but seriously. i'm not a journalist. i don't have research standards to meet. i don't have an editor reviewing my work... and yet i have been able to locate hundreds of hundreds of facts and statistics on rape in the US and canada. i've linked to a whoooole pile of them throughout my time feminist-fridaying. i'm also a baby-feminist. but in these few years of being concerned about the cause, i've managed to get a solid education about rape culture. so if you're going to get paid to write about rape culture, put in some goddamn time, do some fucking research, or shut the hell up and stop spewing your toxic pearl-clutching babble. what do you think you are doing to the girl who was raped when drunk? or the girl who was raped even though she did 'everything right'? what is the value of your 'advice'?

i've never been raped. yay me.
i have been completely and totally irresponsibly intoxicated. maybe even more than once!!! i went to unchaperoned parties in high school and university. i met strangers at parties or bars and i made friends with them or flirted with them or ignored them. one time when i was, like, 16 or 17 i went to a boy's house in the middle of the night with a few friends and we hid in his basement goofing off and flirting and our parents didn't know. i made mistakes and stupid choices and took risks.
but i never got raped.
because i was lucky enough that there was never a rapist around. when i was doing those things.
or when i gave rides home to people. when i lived alone. when i had new friends over for parties. or old friends... or stumbled home drunk and alone at night after a gallery opening in edinburgh. or not drunk and not alone, but still, you know, a women with my oh-so-rapeable bits just being right out there in the world.
i didn't get raped cause i wasn't with rapists.

so fuck you for implying that i somehow did something right that some other girl did wrong. or that i'm *lucky* to have made it through those experiences safely. just. fuck. you.

*just a reminder of a really GREAT campaign talking about rape that i'm so proud came out of my home town... just a reminder that talking to the ones who are making the rapes happen are the ones who we should talk to.

and once more for emphasis, fuck you emily yoffe. and shame on you.

petit d

{when you were the brand-newest baby}

 
dear tiny nephew:
today you will become a big brother.
i don't know what it is like to be one of those, but i do know that having one is the very best thing in the whole world.
your tiny sibling is gonna be looking up to you for the rest of forever, and thinking you're just the most magical thing. so try not to be mean unless they really deserve it, and have patience as they learn how to be a real human over the years. even if they cry a lot. like, a lot a lot...
love, your previous-baby-of-the-family aunt

try to remember

something i need to remind myself of regularly: we teach people how to treat us... sometimes we must correct the paths and let someone know they're doing it wrong... some good advice from the globe and mail column a few weeks back.

{david eddie}

and then sometimes there are people who cannot be corrected. and they must be let go. also a true fact. of life.

i'm sorry. for the next 6 weeks

 {this woman is on a cleanse. i will not be happy and in a field and cleansing like this woman.}

DISCLAIMER POINT TIMES A MILLION! THIS IS NOT A CLEANSE! THIS IS NOT A DIET! IF YOU CALL IT A CLEANSE OR A DIET I WILL LOSE MY MIND ALL UPONS YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN SO WARNED.

starting today i will not be eating a whole pile of things that i love eating. because a naturopath told me not to. because my body is all 'uuuuh, we don't know about these things. these things make us feel like bleeeeehhhhhhhh'. (my body is not very articulate.)

i am super excited about this and also very very not excited. for one thing, i will be one of 'those' people who can't eat a lot of stuff, and therefore can't eat at a lot of restaurants, friends' houses, so on. i will be difficult. and i hate that. also, i'm not so much with the super-strength will power. and i LOOOVVVEEE food and drink. and i hate to be so limited in what i can consume.

but. then again. i have been so doubled over so many times with mysterious mystery pain from eating and drinking. and if i can live life without having to leave parties and dinner tables to cry in the bathroom... well. it'll all be worth it. for sure. it'll be good to know that not being in pain is as simple as not eating such-and-such thing. i have to go full-tilt for six weeks. no cheats. and then i can re-introduce slowly, one or two items at a time. and see if it was a temporary negative reaction my body was having (over-consumption of the same things can apparently cause this) or a full-forever reaction. me and my body. trying to talk to each other.

but i'll say one more time, sans caplocks just to be nice. this isn't a diet and it isn't a cleanse. i'm not doing this to 'detox my system' or flush out water-weight or blah blah gross-dumb. i HATE cleanses and diets. this is not a vanity project. this is me trying to not poison myself anymore. this isn't some run of the mill list of thangs. this is a specific list. that my body chose. to eliminate. if i were allergic to bees, and decided to stop getting stung by bees for a while to see if i felt better, no one would say 'oh, you're doing one of those bee-free facial skin rejuvenation plans? my aunt did that!' because people would know that not getting stung by bees when you have a bad reaction to bee stings that is slowly killing you is a GOOD idea for your health. BLAH BLAH I HATE CLEANSES!

anyways! hoping you'll be super supportive of me, and accept my pre-apology for being difficult and probably pretty whiny. here's what i can't eat!!!

fruits: banana, cantaloupe, mango, strawberry, pineapple, watermelon, avacado,

veg: carrots, cabbage, corn, mushroom, eggplant, pepper (green & red),

dairy: cowmilk, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, 'american' cheese (ha! what?!), whey (cowmilk),

grains etc: buckwheat, malt (barley), gluten, gliaden, oat, rye, yeast (brewers), wheat bran, wheat (whole), navy bean, dill, hops, peanut, poppyseed,

fish/meat: clam, crab, lobster, shrimp, ham,

fun things: milk chocolate, MSG, superheated veg fat (deep frying), sugar (white & brown), beer, coke, wine (red & white)

 {goodbye, sweetest friends}

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! here goes. i realize that i've already messed up, cause i forgot oats were on the list and had oatmeal for breakfast. damn it! ugh. this is gonna be a hard time!