ff

did you hear about cuddlr?

of course you did.
cuddlr, released just last week, has blown up. it is everywhere. new york times & late night with seth meyers & salon & jezebel & the bbc & mtv & cosmo & the onion &&&&...
(i am doing a little thing for a tv program next week, too, which i'll tell you all about when it is done.)

cuddlr is an app that allows you to find someone in your city to have a cuddle with. a hug, a hand hold, a nap-in-a-park, etc. for me, i'm thinking i might like to braid someone's hair. or have my hair braided. or both. that's a really nice thing to do and have done. anyway. that is what it is for. for those touch-ey things. and not for sex. not for a sexual relationship. you can read about it in the words of one of the creators here if you've missed it.

oh yeah, and, duh. it is created by my brother in law. you know. that charlie dude! and a friend, jeff, who made it look real real beautiful, ooof. so i'm not affiliated, but i am. i am biased. noted.

i am SUPER EXCITED about it all, and i have 8 million thoughts, and i'm trying to think of the best way in. so i'm not just thought-vomiting all over this here blorg. but that is a point just there in itself. i am excited because the more i think on it, the more i read of the reactions, the more i could say. i have attempted to write a few different pieces this week, every time i go towards it i'm thinking 'YES, BUT ALSO I COULD TALK ABOUT!!! YEAH! YES!'

okay. first. charlie's words. here are some of them:

{from charlie's pre-launch piece on medium}

YEAH! right? a lot of thoughts about those things. but i'm gonna go at it in another way. in response to a piece written by caitlin dewey:

* i tried out cuddlr, the 'tinder for cuddling', and all i got was severely creeped out

{caitlin dewey for the washington post}

YEAH! but also, yes exactly: and therefore...

i agree with a lot of what caitlin is saying. but that is precisely why i am stoked about cuddlr.

i have been a girl on the internet for a long while, but particularly for the last 5 or 6 years. i am a girl on the internet who writes and reads about feminism. i am a girl on the internet who has used okcupid, tinder, lava life, eharmony, facebook, twitter, and so on and so on. i know what it is like to be a girl on the internet. the worst. often.

i am used to men being inappropriate towards me online. i am used to getting messages from people who obviously ignore every detail on my profile to ask me if i wanna fuck, send me pictures of their dicks, neg me so offensively and blatantly i struggle not to spit-take all over my computer, and all kinds of other annoying/hilarious/tragic/terrifying things. i am used to being called every name imaginable when i respond saying 'no thanks' or when i don't respond at all. believe me. i know about creeps.

if i said to myself 'well, erin, that's what happens so i guess no dating app or site, or social app or site, will ever be useful to me, alas, too bad, better stay away' then i would be missing out on all the good bits too. the nice people and the interesting conversations. the good dates, or even the not good but not bad dates. the chance to expand my circles, yadda yadda.

also: worth noting that that is no different from: everywhere. being a girl in this culture can be just the shittiest. and it isn't just online that assholes will talk to me like i'm not a human person because: tits or whatever.

i hate all that. you know it. i talk about it a lot. i am angry a lot. there is a problem with our culture.

AHA! yes. and isn't that the point? i don't know how to fix the problems outright. i sometimes despair that it might be unfixable. but. isn't it better to aspire to the culture you want? the changes you want? i think that it can only be valuable to push for it, even if you don't fully believe it can happen.
(if not me, who? if not now, when? holla, emma watson.)

here are some things i want.

i want men, particularly straight men, to be comfortable being physically affectionate with each other.

i want people who are living in new cities, new circumstances, to have the ability to reach out and connect with another human when they are feeling lost, scared, alone, excited.

i want straight men and straight women to have a comfort with each other's physical selves that allows for something other than partnered-for-sex or not. i want for there to be a mentality that your partner-for-sex can touch and be touched by more than only you. that wanting physical warmth outside your relationship does not diminish, but support it.

i want there not to be such gaping spaces between our understanding of each other's bodies, be they female, male, or something in between or beyond.

i want to do away with the idea that you get everything from one person OR ELSE, because that is not possible, not sustainable, and leaves un-coupled people (like me) in this void. i want to lean on a whole network of people, and to have them lean on me.

i want there to be less fear. i want touch to be less leading. i want to stop worrying that someone i thought i was loving well and loved by will accuse me of 'friend zone-ing' them because i don't want to have sex.

i do not want a partner to somehow trump or eliminate all of the other relationships i have built and experienced.

i want to braid someone's hair from time to time.

i live a live that has these elements most of the time. i am lucky. my people, my friends, they tend to think similarly. i want that for more people.

cuddlr is holding up ideas worth looking at. a philosophy i believe in. it will be misused, of course it will, like every other social media tool. that doesn't negate the value of the tool's existence. it shouldn't be the focus of the conversation. the idea is a good one and i don't want it to get lost, derailed.

i am usually more cynical. it is true. i am usually more tolerant, drawn to the snarky side. i don't generally get too bright-eyed hopeful. but i know charlie, and i know how earnest and honestly he comes to this project. he isn't naïve. he is scrutenizing and thoughtful, and i am glad. i am glad that cuddlr is.

happy friday, cuddlers.

ff

i don't even care about all the bad, i'm giving you good today. we deserve a little good. and this whole week has been coloured by robyn, aka coloured with PURE ABSOLUTE JOY. okay. yoncé.

{rebecca traister for the new republic}

* beyoncé's vma performance was the feminist moment i've been waiting for

oh. and, speaking of this week and its colouring... colour me surprised! did you think i would ever be linking you to playboy on feminist friday? bet you didn't.

* flowchart: should you catcall her?

okee dokes, i love you all. happy friday, power-house popstars.

today i read

* ron daniels, responsible for six-figure student debt, receives honorary law degree
by naimh harraher for now

that first graduate mentioned there? with the button and the courage? that's my roommie, it is! i, too, was sporting a yellow button on friday, as were sarah's parents whom i had the privilege of attending the events with. and when sarah gave the valedictorian's address that same day - which you should totally listen to because it is a power-house speech, at the 16 minute mark, below - i cried for pride. for her and for her classmates whom i love so. these remarkable smart, kind, fierce, brave, considerate, passionate, resilient, hopeful, strong humans. these bold humans. oh man, i love them so much i could just die.

ff

in honour of me finally getting around to getting the rookie yearbook two, rookie rookie rookie day! holy damn, i love this mag so hard it is dumb. so good, always, that it just explodes my insides with hope and joy and gladness.

and it is not hard, this week especially, to proclaim the greatness of rookie thanks to a brilliant little piece by hazel cills in which she mic drops and then gives you the best stare down of all time and everyone everywhere goes bananas cuz HAZEL RULEZ!!! check it.

'[on]...The Atlantic’s website, Jake Flanagin took a look at a work of over-the-top campy fiction [Ja’mie: Private School Girl] and posed, in all apparent sincerity, this question (about real people!): “Why are young women turning into monsters?” I repeat: monsters. Ooh, scary! I’m sure we’re a big threat to straight white men who write for magazines like The Atlantic, what with all our dangerous selfies and Snapchats and sexts. The article went on to wonder whether the average viewer was smart enough to tell that the show is satire: “Presumably, Lilley poses this array of amusing insecurities and prejudices as a critical device, not face-value comedy,” Flanagin sniffed. “But it’s difficult to say whether the audience can discern the difference.”

As a member of that audience and a teenage girl (aka future monster), I’d like to ease his fears, at least on that last point: Teenage girls know that Ja’mie: Private School Girl is satire; it’s by Chris Lilley, for god’s sake. Have you ever met a teenage girl, Jake? We don’t act like Ja’mie. Just like how you, a guy in his 20s, don’t act like Van Wilder. 

Or so I assume (insert a thousand winks here).'

* kids won't listen - in which hazel tells middle-aged men to please stop trying to explain (mansplain) being a teenage girl, thanks

yes. seriously. yes yes, thank you. the rookie writers are consistently witty, smart, funny, bold, cool, and a zillion other great things. if i were a middle-aged man who worked in the journalism world i'd be scared shitless of rookie. they are the future, folks. and the future looks hella good.

i'm gonna go dance in my apartment after filling it with black balloons. peace out, internets! 

and happy friday, teenagers.