on this

 {philip seymour hoffman}

i used to think it was silly to get upset over celebrity deaths. i mean, really upset. beyond the general sadness that you feel when anyone dies, the sort of heavy shrug knowing someone has lost someone and of course that is sad. but to get really upset. to feel that i was suffering. that i had any part of that loss. it seemed silly. until alexander mcqueen died. and all my reason dropped out from under me, and i was shaken in a way i didn't really have any right to. i was furious and lost. i felt as though my team, my family, had suffered a truly terrible loss. like 'we' would never be the same. whoever 'we' was. not a real thing, 'we', just a feeling.

"His metier was human loneliness — 

the terrible uncinematic kind that has very little to do with high-noon heroism and everything to do with everyday empathy — 

and the necessary curse of human self-knowledge." 

{tom junod on hoffman. for esquire}

yesterday's news of philip seymour hoffman's passing had that same hard and harsh impact. i felt and feel hollowed out. and i feel sickly sad and embarrassed, ashamed? what right do i have to mourn him? his family, his kids, his friends. 'we' are losing an artist, and the idea of a man. they have lost a person. a true and complete person. i am mourning him, though. i can't help it. i am selfish and i will miss him and his work so so much. 'we' will never be the same.