erinagain

 

oh hmm. the tricky time that is the start of a new year. how do i go about writing about the new year without writing a NEW YEAR'S post? without being contradictory? shall i look back or forward, or both?

you'll maybe remember me saying, last year, that i hated resolutions. but then, of course, i went ahead a made a few loose, undefined ones, anyways. and now i look back at all those things i said i'd do (make art being the big one...) and didn't... and i'd be sad about it, except that i'm not. i wish i'd done more with last year. surely. sure. but. it wasn't for lack of wanting or trying. (not completely, at least.) it just happened that last year came along and kicked me super super hard in the teeth, and the eye, and stepped on my wrist, and took all my money, and spit on me... so... i had that to deal with. instead. of making art.

blah blah! see? sigh. new year's posts are gross! ugh. okay! but there is a point. a non-lament-y point. and it is a good one, so keep on keeping-on!

i could be looking back and thinking about all those not-done things. but. instead what i'm doing right now is i'm thinking: good gosh i'm happy. here. now. so happy. i made it through that beating and it was the worst that i've been through yet, and i'm hoping it will be the worst ever (fingers crossed i be so lucky), but really it is over and gone and i am happy. so. whatever! haha! sometimes i will live better and sometimes i will be lazy and cranky, but right now is good. (and compartmentalizing everything into little year packages with beginnings and ends is a bit silly anyways... what with the fluidity of everything and whatnot. as much as i love to compartmentalize.)

this is the first time since i started living 'away' i can remember being happy to come home after christmas. i miss everyone and it was grand. i wish we could do it more. but i'm not reeling in post-holiday-tragi-sads. i missed my life here. i am home here. i started taking down my decorations last night and even THAT didn't make me sad! because life after christmas is magic too.

and that is something new. so. new year! happy! there.

 {also, because i have a real job now, i got a christmas bonus! most of it is going towards dept-repayment... but a little bit is buying me a chloe sevigny for opening ceremony monokini. because my old bathing suit got stolen and because it is the most awesomest replacement ever.}

{pictures from style.com and openingceremony}