on sin or evil

* i knew about jian ghomeshi. i never said anything.am i complicit in his alleged abuse?

this is a very good essay that makes me angry and sad all at once.

the anger.

but
i liked doing that show.

i like his show,
i like his team,
i like his movies,
i like his song,

willful blindness. looking away at the necessary moments. because of what we don't want to give up. because we are selfish.

i am not saying i am better or different because i am not. in this instance, with women and what is done to them, sure. but. i have my things. where i fall short. and that is why the sad.
we are all selfish. we all have our areas, we all have our things.

but i like that i can afford that dress,
but i like the coffee there,
but i like the convenience,

sometimes i am overwhelmed with the huge acts of cruelty, hatred, violence in this world we live in. but other times it is the teeny tiniest of evils that we all participate in daily that leave me feeling hopeless. they are so small, but so infinite. how can you get rid of all those passing moments of weakness, selfishness? what on earth do you do with those?

ff

just this beautiful little gem:

*fictional characters whose lives would have been vastly improved by an abortion - mallory ortberg

okay, i love you! happy friday, nonfictional characters!

ff

 {borrowed from here}

happy 40th birthday to roe v. wade. i wish i could be more chipper cheerful about your birthday. but i'm feeling pretty low about the whole chipping-away-at-you thing that is happening in the states. our not-far-away-we-look-to-them-too-often neighbour. it makes me scared and it makes me tired. here are some roe v. wade gifts:

* npr fresh air talks with carolyn jones about the process of getting an abortion in texas.

(this is very good. this fresh air piece. i mean, sure it had me crying on the subway and really wishing i had a small space i could go into and scream and scream until my voice was gone from the anger of it. but. it is a good good perspective to hear. someone who chose to abort a very much wanted baby, knowing that the baby would live a horrible painful life... her story is compelling and brutal but she is level and reasoned in her telling. and terry gross also manages to keep herself even and calm throughout the interview, which i respect because, again, all i wanted to do was scream and weep which maybe aren't the most useful things.) and, too:

* always wonderful jill has a bunch of gooood info in this piece for the guardian

* maya summerizes what is happening in mississippi with the erosion of choice

and i have a question for you lot. what do we do? how do we fight hatred and ignorance and fear? what do i do? how do i be a loud, informed voice, but also not lose my mind with anger and desperation? how do i handle the absurd hypocrisy? i want to be useful. i don't know how.

rant

this is a non-friday feminist post because i had already written yesterday's post when something happened that made me foam at the mouth. and i don't feel like waiting till next week to talk about it.

here we go! let's look at this infographic of how sexism works, shall we?

{thank you, xkcd}

i saw this wee cartoon while reading melissa's piece about how feminism works. good stuff. 

and then i had a lovely example handed right to me! how lucky am i?! i was out with friends at a bar. i ordered a martini. a male friend - who as far as i know is a kind and caring and loving type of man - said to me:

'how on the market are you?!' with a sly, slightly condescending look and sassy smile. then explained to me that girls always order martinis when they're single and looking... he sees it all the time. a girl orders a cosmo and it's all a big show of being out there, available, looking for a maaaannnnn. (note. he's bar tended lots. so. he knows.)

here are some important facts. yes. i am rather-newly single. true. i am 'available' i suppose, and 'out there', although the idea of picking up at a bar makes me want to vomit a bit (a lot). i was drinking a dirty gin martini and not a cosmo... 

but. those things DON'T ACTUALLY MATTER AT ALL! because, actually, turns out, i like martinis. and i drink them. because. i like them. in fact, i drink martinis when i'm in relationships too! look at my instagram for proof. ask any of my exes. i ALSO drink martinis when i'm single but NOT looking. which is a thing which is possible, too. weird, right?

when i tried to argue those points, i was of course told that i was being defensive and (by a female friend, too) that that defensiveness was caused by the fact that i knew it was true. blah blah.

nope. that wasn't defensiveness. that was anger. anger that a girl can't drink a drink she likes without it being a big thing that girls do. you know. like sex and the city told us to do it. like shit girls say.

the man also asked me why i didn't just order a double shot of bourbon. and also argued that if i was drinking gin cause i liked gin, i wouldn't have ordered the 'bar rail' gin. my being frugal (or cheap, whichever you prefer) was not a thing, apparently. and. the fact that i didn't want bourbon... or beer, or wine, or vodka, or water, or sodapop, or or or... i'm not going to go into it.

know what tells you i'm on the market? asking my friends if they know of anyone who might be interesting. going on eharmony. going on dates with humans. my saying so. know what doesn't? WHAT I'M DRIKING. because actually, i am me. and not every girl/woman. 

now here's a picture of margene to diffuse some of my (and hopefully your) rage.

that is all. thank you.

ff

you might remember there being a little teaser last week?

yeah!

on learning and unlearning. or. the impossibility of the latter.

i am just a wee baby of feminism. this is true. i am so so new and all a-stumbles on my under-formed feminist-legs. like a baby deer learning to walk. (i think maybe baby deer should be the blorg mascott... but that's another issue. a cute issue.) but the thing about it is: once you know, you can't un-know. you know?

(haha!)

and so that is where i am. i may not have the best language to argue my (our) case. but. i know i need to argue it anyway. because i have started to see it. and now i can't help but see it all the time.* to see that the united states is a terror-fest for women, despite the fact that it isn't as obvious as not-being-allowed-an-education, or being-forced-to-cover-our-bodies-in-a-complete-way... to see how many women and girls i know who are so deeply damaged by years of being told certain things about what it means to be a woman. to see how many men and boys i know who are so deeply damaged by years of being told certain things about what it means to be a man.

and sometimes i wish i didn't see it. sometimes i wish i could laugh at things like 'shit girls say' and not feel sick to my stomach knowing that there is something so deeply ingrained and flawed in the way we mock eachother. sometimes i wish my heart didn't hurt so much so often.

but that would mean i was going along blissfully ignorant. and i no longer have that option. and i suspect there are those amongst you, readers, who are hesitant to open up to the knowing. i can't blame you. it's hard. and there is no going backwards. so. i get it. if you're hesitant to join me... but i hope you will anyways. because we all know that struggle and hardship are what make us stronger humans. or something. and we can only improve things if we see them in the first place.

tra la la.

{our beloved hillary clinton drinks to the feminist of the week! photo from international business times.}

feminist of the week for this extra-special my-birthday-week has been a long time coming. sarah rankin!!! roommate extraordinaire. and feminist educator to the masses. she introduced me to feministe and shakesville, and she taught me to argue and fight when i feel i need to. she also explained this sad-truth of not being able to go back once you're in. and we had a cool talk about consent and knowledge, which maybe i'll have her guest-write about one day when she's done with school for the term... yeah?!

*it is, of course, important not to get toooo carried away, and let it ruin your life completely. and so. kittens.

ff

***** i wrote the following post earlier this week, before the whole susan g komen disaster embarrassment shame fest. (i particularly recommend that last link.) i don't even know where to begin on the rage that comes along with this story. if anyone wants to try and tell me that women's health isn't disgustingly politicized, they can go ahead and jump in a lake. and not a nice lake. a gross, really cold lake. filled with the bite-ingest fish. that is all. *****


oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof this makes me mad. and also so glad that i do not live in the states. and also so nervous about our own canadian government's conservatism and the possibilities inherent therein...

* birth control like pork chops

let's talk about this.

first of all, how incredibly sickening that that young woman was forced into ovarian cancer despite a proper diagnosis of a treatable condition. because of policy. sick sick sick.
and potentially fatal results aside, the number of women i know who are on birth control for one million reasons aside from stopping pregnancy is crazy high. for me it stops the 3 weeks of period that i would be having cause my body is mega messed, as well as the actually unbearable pain that came along with that. (i know. cramps are lame-o and pretty much everyone has them, and blah blah. no. these weren't normal. mom can tell you. me lying on the floor in the kitchen in a ball weeping and weeping. and i'm a person who chose to have her palm-skin ripped off over and over for the love of the trapeze. i can do pain.) and there's skin issues and hormonal balance issues and so many other things which are easily and effectively treated with this entirely legal drug. and yet. NAY! STOP THE SLUTBAGS FROM SLUTTING AROUND! MAKE THE SLUTBAGS HAVE THEIR SLUTTY BABIES!

aaaallllllsssssoooo. i hope that i am, in fact, correct on the following. (if i'm not. oh god.)
there are religions that will not take blood transfusions and the like, right? it's against their religion. now. if someone in such a religion decided that for whatever reason they did want a blood transfusion, would insurance companies be all 'i don't know...... your religion is bossy pants so we better not. even though YOU are making a choice about yourself and your beliefs and your health.'

does that make sense? i feel like i'm not explaining that example well enough. i guess what i want to say is HOW HOW HOW can 'we' allow any organization to have sooo much power over its members (or people who happen into their general communities due to whatever circumstance) that they cannot go ahead with their own perfectly legal decisions about their own bodies? in a country oh so so screamey about personal freedoms. it's absurd and terrifying. is what i think. be terrified.

BUT SOME GOOD NEWS!
this week i would like to shout out joyfully to charlie williams, brother in law elect, who has been a facebook-crusader for feminism!!! you win feminist of the weeeeeeek!!!

{photo by amanda putty}

thank you thank you for first, understanding and second, defending the fact that a gender-neutral title should BE GENDER-NEUTRAL! you are the best and i'm so glad you're part of our family. rock on!