crowned in orange II - the ginger & me

 {up, again, we are going up. again.}

when we left off sarah and i had bid farewell to marina and jaeden and were on our own at the 9th kilometer marker. let us carry on. the badass ballerinas whittled down to the bikini villagers.

we ran whenever there were flats, and up hills in the 'till we reach that signpost' style. sometimes we walked up hills sideways to change things up for our knees and i noticed that that is also a lovely way to stretch out your inner thighs. we strolled down hills leaned way back in a jaunty manner that had originated earlier in the day with j. we swung our arms like a british gentleman might, and laughed our faces off. i babbled away making very stupid jokes and most of the time s did too but every now and then she was quiet and it was obvious that she was maybe not loving up this whole situation quite as much as i was. at one point she said 'okay mud, i've had enough walking through you. thanks.' and i can't blame her for that. i feel like i was lucky to have a lot of race-highs but never any real race-lows. i guess this is just exactly the kind of race for me. on one of the flat sections as we jogged along s said 'i love this part best. i love distance running.' and i thought she was completely bonkers cause this was the worst bit that you had to get through to get to the TOTALLY AWESOME OBSTACLES! and this is the difference between us, it turns out. still. i couldn't have asked for a better person to spend that second half of the day with. there was never any anger or hurry or moods, just getting through and having the best time we could and pushing our bodies and overcoming our fears.

OBSTACLE FOURTEEN: berlin wall
completed by: e, d, n, v, u,

just like it sounds. a wall. actually, two. climb over them. i helped a few people as best i could, and then got helped over myself. it was a long way up. high enough that even stepping up in someone's stirrup-hands wouldn't get you get you quite high enough to grab the top. at least if you are my height... the first one there was a lot of muscling from the people helping me over, but the second wall a guy sitting on the top thought to offer me his leg to help balance and pull up and blammo! over i went. s is not at all a fan of heights and was also worried about the dropping-off-the-wall part for her bad knee. coolio.

OBSTACLE FIFTEEN: underwater tunnel
completed by: e, d,

swim into the middle of a water reservoir (THIS WATER WASN'T MUDDY!!!!) and then bob under three sets of floating barrels. lovely if you like water, which i do. the real challenge on this one was not getting in the water (as we expected, being so cold) but getting out as the reservoir was warm and out of the wind. i could've stayed there for some time...i understand the consensus by all those who did not do this one was 'I DO NOT WANT TO BE WET STILL/MORE/EVERAGAIN'.

OBSTACLE SIXTEEN: balls to the wall
completed by: e, s, d, n, v, u,

a wall-structure with a big thick rope hanging down both sides. like the olden-timey gym ropes. climb up one side, climb down the other. there were slats in the wall to use as footholds, so this one was nay so bad. s totally kicked her fear of heights in the teeth and made it over without a hitch. amazing.

somewhere in this time-area, on a run-bit, we began a long and convoluted joke about s trading her knee in for glory, and that it was a sort of 'take-a-glory-leave-a-glory' type of situation, and how that was really unfortunate since the government had decided to remove glory from our currency, and now you have to round up or down on your races, and oh man it sucks when they round down on, like, an ultra marathon... a man passed us with a very horrified confused face. but i swear to you it was the funniest thing you'd ever hear. if you'd been there. hearing it. beyond witty beyond hilarious.

 {sarah is a little damp}

OBSTACLE SEVENTEEN: wounded warrior carry
completed by: e, s, d, n, v, u,

carry your teammate for a while. trade at the halfway point if you like. (we did.) my sources tell me that d carried n in this event, and i am guessing that u and v did as we did and switcheroo'd in the middle. this obstacle very nearly killed s and i, but only because when we traded at the halfway point, and i jumped on her back, she was standing in a mudslick on the tilty ground. her top foot stayed where it was, but her bottom foot slid quite quickly out, and we only just barely managed to get the whole thing stopped before she was in a side-split assisted by my full body weight. okay it wouldn't have killed me even a little. but s would've been in a very bad way. we readjusted on slightly sturdier ground and all was well. we missed our itty bitty teammates m and j throughout, but especially here.

OBSTACLE EIGHTEEN: smoke chute
completed by: e, d, n, v, u,

a slide into muddy water. except it is straight down and you cannot see the bottom. you swing your legs over the edge and it is just a tunnel downwards. there is a little window so you can be sure no one is at the bottom where you'll come shooting out. but otherwise it is blind. the hardest part for me was just logically trying to figure out how i'd scoot my bum over the edge without falling backwards and hitting my head on the ledge. or sitting forwards and hitting my face on the top/front of the slide. lucky i was race-brained enough to not reeeeaaaally think, so i just went, and it seems to have turned out fine.

OBSTACLE NINETEEN: cage crawl
completed by: e, s, d, n, v, u,

lay down on your back in water and pull yourself along a lane covered in a metal grill. this was at once strangely serene (you're ears are underwater so it's muffled and gentle and you're looking straight up into a very lovely blue sky perfectly broken up by clouds) and terrifying (you're in a one-way trap where you can't see in any direction but up, which is of course not the direction you're traveling, and you're face is only juuuust out of the water and every few feet there is a WOODEN PLANK that you have to go under and it comes up with no warning and suddenly there is NO SKY and you are REALLY TRAPPED and OH MY GOD DROWNINGDYING - or that's what your brain tells you). s was able to confirm, with this obstacle, that her body has an automatic panic response to watery situations. but she got through and didn't even start screaming in the middle which is what i would've done if my body had chosen to push all that panic to the surface. she is a totally tough champion.

 {i am such a happy thing}

OBSTACLE TWENTY: boa constrictor
completed by: e, s, d, n, v, u,

a tube goes downhill into a mud pool. a second tube goes uphill out of the mud pool. crawl through. i was rather nervous about the claustrophobia thing again. but it was not SOOO bad. crawling down and through the pool wasn't any trouble. going back up i started to get a little panicked when i realized it was quite slippery and thoughts of being forever in that tube started to close in. i was squirming and trying to get my knees under me. i got a bit stuck. then a sweet voice came from behind me 'you're alright! no hurry, i won't rush you. you're doing great!'. THANK YOU super sweet friendly stranger girl behind me! she continued to speak calmly and encouragingly as i struggled my way out, and then she called from mid-way up the pipe herself 'this IS tricky! oh my, i see!'. she made it out, and we high-fived and she headed off. i loved her. meanwhile on the other end of the obstacle, s had been about to start when someone near her said 'how many snakes ARE there in there?' which caused her to get a bit unnerved. sankes? really? she asked someone else and they replied 'hmmm... hope not!'. it took her a minute or two to locate someone who could guarantee that there were indeed NO snakes. and through she went.


OBSTACLE TWENTY-ONE: everest
completed by: e, d, n, v, u,

a half-pipe that you run at and up, then throw yourself straight into while trying to grasp the hands of those who have already made it over. i will fully admit to not actually succeeding at this one. and i am insanely impressed that the crew ahead of s and i all did make it. craziness. when we got there there was a giant collection of mudders at the base, long lines to get an attempt in. i waited and tried to hype myself up. throwing myself face-first into walls and trusting strangers are not high on my skills list. the crowd was exciting and encouraging, though. everyone patting each other on the back and grinning. pointing back and forth with the people owning the hands they'd be trying to grab at the top. mic-man was there, too. keeping us pumped up, and also in line. one man made an attempt and was caught by the wrists and dangling. his pants began to slide down. (he did have underwear on, thankfully.) at the same time mic-man had stopped all other attempts to regulate the line-up situation. and so poor pant-slider-man hung there struggling with the whole crowd watching, screaming, shouting, cheering for him to make it - and to do so with his pants. i can't imagine what a strange and embarrassing and thrilling feeling that would be. the fight was successful and someone managed to get his leg, and he got up over the top. he pulled up his pants, turned to the crowd (which was going BANANAS) and bowed and waved. then he laid down on his stomach to help grab the next attemptee.

i gave one attempt. i was not close, but i was pleased with myself for having really giving it my all. i was pretty confident that it would take me maaaany tries to get the hang of it, and neither s nor i were keen on staying that much longer on the mountain. next time i will stay and try a few more times.

OBSTACLE TWENTY-TWO: electroshock therapy
completed by: e, d, n, v, u,

like the last electric one, but this time you run through. and i was all 'hey ain't no thang!' and ran in grinning. i immediately got a shock to the elbow that shot pain through my whole body. it KILLED (except not literally) and i screamed very loudly 'HOLY FUCK!!!'. soooorrrrrrrrrries! it just happened. i don't think there were kids around... but s did say that it was very audible from the finish line where she was waiting for me. yay me! way to finish up in style. but seriously. ow. really ow.

 {the tutus actually survived. like. really well. what?!}

AND THEN WE WERE DONE!!! crowned with the orange headbands which cannot be bought but only earned. tired, sore, happy, cold, gritty, giddy. pretty much EXACTLY when we crossed the line the sky cleared and it was suddenly bright and sunny and warm.

we changed out of our soaking clothes. in the dressing tent a woman near me struggled with her shoe laces. 'it is hard' she said 'because my fingers are... not...' and that is pretty much a perfect summary. we met up with d, n, u, and v in the beer garden. we drank our free beer and smiled lots. back on the shuttle bus. u and v fell asleep. n, d, s and i had sourpatch kids. (i learned that d is actually the owner of a dog i TOTALLY KNOW and we have actually met before in the dog park. funny. and his dog is a good one, guys. one of the great danes. i know. awesome.)

 {natalie and andrew warm and dry and drinking. everything is sunshine.}

and we went home to toronto. and showered. and it was amazing.

here's the obstacles tally for the day (ladies, let me know if i got any of this wrong! race-remembering is not always perfect-remembering):

d & e: 22    n: 21    u & v: 20    s: 15    m & j: 9

thanks to marina for organizing all the things (camera, hotel, tutus, registration...). you're the very best. thanks to sue for driving sarah and me and for the mcdonald's stop. man that was the greatest thing. thanks to jenn and the extension room for getting me way more fit that i thought i could be. thanks to the whole team for being the kind of crazy humans who think this is a great way to spend a day. such a wonderful wacky thing.