ff

* hey girl! you're a moron for getting raped!

sigh.

way back, when i was in munich, natalya and i went out (with a pile o' peeps from the hostel) to the hofbrauhaus. temple of beer and lederhosen. an incredibly tourist-in-munich thing to do. i had two of their giant-pints. probably somewhere around equivalent to 3.5 pints? maybe 4? a lot for me, but nothing too bonkers... especially considering the stomach-full of rich rich german food i was putting those beers into. sure, i was drunk. but i still had my wits about me. we had a nice time, and stumbled back to the hostel with one other hostel-er while the others continued to party into the night. we got a little lost, but made it home just fine. natalya went to sleep.

i went to the bathroom and cried for about 2 hours. i was sick with guilt and shame. because i'd been so irresponsible! because i had let loose a little, and therefore put myself and (much more importantly) natalya in danger. think of the horrible things that could've happened! how could i have been so stupid?!

it was not a good night.

and we all know i am a 'sensitive soul' and that i maybe feel things a little more deeply than most. but. what that night was was the product of years and years of being taught that it would for sure be my fault if i or natalya had been attacked.

anyways... the article above covers the topic of maybe blaming rapists from raping rather than blaming girls/women for being 'stupid/careless/slutty/naive'... it maybe isn't a 100% perfectly written piece, but it (and others like it recently) have made me think a lot about my own deep sense of guilt and fear, and how maybe i should start to redirect them... just sayin.

but... MEANWHILE!!!

here's something rather beautiful for you to read! about love and acceptance and gender-identity and growth and change and mothers and fathers and sons and daughters... there's some sadness in there, for sure. but if you zoom right in on the family? one of the best stories ever. wow. yes.

* i maybe cried a little at the end...