ff

i go to a small house party in glasgow with my friend and some of her uni pals. they're theatre types, big personalities, fun, warm, welcoming, a real pleasure to be around. also at the party thee is a collection of young men friends-of-the-flat-inhabitants. not classmates of my friend. these boys are friendly too. easy to talk to. it is nice. it would be nice

except. each and every one of those boys makes a joke about rohypnol. as in: drugging me or someone else in this house so that i or we could be raped. you know.
rape jokes.
haha.
every one of them. separately. (and together.) to me. a girl who has never met them before. in a city i am visiting, in a house i don't know at all. some of them come back to the rohypnol-theme a few times. even after i say, as laughingly but firmly as i can muster, that i am not a fan of rape jokes, actually, and maybe they could find something else to joke about?

now.
i wasn't really scared of these boys. i didn't think any of them were gonna rape me or anyone there. not really. i mean. probably not! maybe not. almost certainly not.

but i couldn't know. you can never know.
girls talk often about how many times they've asked themselves 'is this my rape? will this be my rape?'. when we are in elevators or cabs, when the mood in a room turns, when arguing with a drunk friend, a drunk stranger, a big man, an angry man, a group of men, in hallways, bedrooms, bathrooms, alleys, parks, cars...

these boys poured and brought me drinks - sparkling wine for a communal bottle. adult-house-party stuff. tame mid-week gathering of grown-ups stuff. at one point it was obvious that three of these boys were talking about me, whispering to each other, staring at me across the kitchen. i called them out, playfully, not aggressively, not like i maybe would've like to... they laughed about it, made a joke about having been caught-out. followed up with another rape joke. like a playful wink. like a nudge. almost for sure not a threat.
haha.

i didn't drink anything they gave me. and i didn't like any of them at all.

except for the rape jokes they were funny/witty/interesting men. i would've liked them all. i wanted to like them all. i wanted to enjoy myself at this party in glasgow.

but instead i had a knot of anger in my gut, and a voice in my head that said 'don't get comfortable, just in case, be ready to be scared, be ready, have the fear ready, be on guard, just in case, just in case'. and i didn't drink anything they gave me. and i didn't like any of them at all.

ff (galentines edition)

man oh man! what a week. the ups! the downs! both in my moods and in the OLYMPICS! but pretty great, mostly, except for not bringing my bathing suit to diving. that was not so good.

PALENTINES! GALENTINES! there's been a lot of pushback from my buds, this year, against the ick-valentinesness of today. for all kinds of great reasons like the whole 'your girlfriend is crazy and also you don't know her at all so: FLOWERS! then she won't hate you, you idiot.' or the classic 'i'm single and therefore i must be SO SAD, CRY CRY VALENTINES DAY!'. and so on.

last year i had a pretty great valentines because actually what i had was palentines. eug invited over a few choice buds, and we ate a fantastic dinner and enjoyed the wonderful thing that was our friendship. because friendship is love too, yo! of course it is! and this year a bunch of my rockingest lady-friends are celebrating galentines. similar to palentines, it celebrates the supremely amazingness that is your lady-friends! and if i may say so, i've got me some real real high caliber galentines who are worthy of all the flowers in all the toronto. remember when we were kids and valentines was about all your friends, and also about all the kids in the class? that was good times. because yes, YES, yes, romantic love and partnership is brilliant, wonderful, worthy of holding up proudly and saying 'I LOVE THIS!' but so are the other relationships. a few of these galentines? i cry just thinking a little about how much they do for me, how often they are there to catch me, how much i want to do right by them, how smart, kind, generous, fierce, hilarious, joyous they are. so a happiest gal-pal-val-entinesday to everyone. i put a whole explosion of pink and red on my tumblr. if you're in the spirit.

meeeaaaaanwhile. just cause it is a joyful pinkandred day doesn't mean you get away sans feminism. sorry. nope. but. i have a funny video for you! haha! ha... hmmm. hrrrmmmm.

great advice that you should always follow so to not be raped:



(i like this very much, this video. and it reminds me of this dieting article which is also super smart and full of wisdom on how to not be a fatty-fat-fat.)

i had more to post today, but you know what? i'm gonna save it. keep today on the up and up and not get into the heavy shiiiizzzzzz.

happy friday, pal-gal-val-entines!