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oh hey! sorry not posting in YEARS!!! (days...) germany doesn't have internets very often. ANYWAYS! exciting things are happening here. guest post!!! which makes up for being behind, yeah? here's emma with a feminist friday story for you to read. enjoy!

I have loads of great jobs, and one of those jobs is as violin and viola teacher for very small people. Kids, aged 3 and up. I've been lucky enough to do this for twelvish years now, and, after twelvish years, I've noticed a few things.

Three and four and five year old kids are brilliant in their unrestrained honesty, both outwards and inwards, speaking their uncensored minds and reflecting rather purely the situation in which they've been raised/immersed/socialized. A kid told me once that I was, that I must be, a teenager (I was not at all a teenager) because I wore t-shirts and runners and not 'grown up' clothes. In other words, hey, I've noticed this rule and these roles in this place where we exist. Neat, I thought. 

So, In lessons I'm constantly personifying stuff. It's the easiest, funnest way I've found to teach lots of specific things. So, we talk about our fingers as people, animate the lizards we use as progress markers, invent invisible audiences, etc etc.  And, here's the thing I've noticed about that:
Whenever we talk about a thing as an actor, as in something that acts, that does something, 'hey, that fourth finger is being lazy!' or 'your lizard is totally going to beat mine!' the acting, personified things are male. Default male. Always. 'Why is he so lazy?' or 'He is totally the fastest lizard!'  I noticed this in lessons, with my kids, so I started paying attention in the rest of my life too, and, yep, the kids are just picking up the rule and roles. Whenever _anyone_ personified something, it was default male. Always. 'Aw, that dog lost his ball...' 'Why'd you pick that knife?, because he's the best knife.'

There are exceptions, of course, pretty much only and always for objects and things that are controlled or driven, cars, boats and the like are most often automatically gendered female. Things that are controlled or driven. Tamed or, hilariously,  personified only to be reobjectified within a feminine context. 'she was a real tough cookie at first, but I've got her by the reins now...'

And I thought, whoa! That's a big thing! That's an important thing! (I could now go into why, but, hopefully (really hopefully) you all know already. And this isn't an academic paper, this is a break from writing academic papers. So. ) And, at the same time it's such a small thing to change. So, I did.
Or, I tried. In my lessons, whenever I personified something, I made a decided effort to use feminine pronouns. And, here's the thing: it was hard.

It was really, really hard. In fact, I would forget and the masculine would slip out instead about half the time, so I ended up fairly gender neutral, which is good. But, what's not good is that it was hard. Unnatural. For me, a pretty darn mega feminist. It just felt wrong. This crap is so so deep in us.
Which is why it's important. Especially important that I force myself with every 3, 4, 5 year old.
Every lesson, every week. Of course, there's so much more to do, to worry or not worry about, but for me, now, this is One Thing I can do. 

So that when my five year old hannah is choosing a lizard to balance on her violin, we don't have to have the conversation we had last week:

'which one should we use?'

'hm. Not him or him... How about him?'

'she looks like a good choice'

'no, it's a he.'

'why? How do you know?'

'they all are.'

'always?'

'yep, always.'

'actually not always, not this one, she's a girl.'

'really?'

'really.'