i am terrible at letting things go. i infuse so much emotion into every object and action, that nothing is meaningless. nothing is disposable. i can still tell you about most objects i've lost in my life - like the stuffed cat i got from gloria for my first communion that i left on the playground one recess at picard, and never saw again - and i still feel sad and guilty and achey as i'm telling you about them.
i realize it isn't normal.
which is why i have to make a special effort to do away with things. today i am saying goodbye to two things. and honouring them here on the blog. so they won't be too sad about being let go.
scottish hot water bottle.
i've had a lot of hot water bottles in my nearly 27 years. like mini-bottle-from-dad-for-grimas a few years back. and stolen-from-mom-sometime-blue-bottle. but scottish bottle is probably the most special one. of all the ones. i bought scottish bottle pretty much first thing when i arrived in edinburgh.
firstly, it was a killer bottle. with one completely smooth side, and the other not-too-ridged. for maximum heat potential. i burned myself pretty good on scottish bottle. i had a massive, blotchy red welt on my lower back the whole winter and most of the spring that edinburgh-year.
secondly, scottish bottle was with me through one of the coldest and hardest winters of my short life. not only could i not afford to heat my apartment (and thus had scottish bottle with me pretty much 24-7 when i was home), but i also spent a lot of time feeling far away and lonely and lost that winter. it was dark. i was far far far from the people i loved most. and my life plan was collapsing around me. scottish bottle was a good friend as i lay curled up in my duvet trying to figure out what on earth to do with myself.
fine, i'll say it. when scottish bottle finally gave out just after grimas this year, i cried a lot. and maybe i'm crying a little bit now as i'm writing this. or. a lot. i mean, i've had the dead thing kicking around my too-small apartment for about two months because i haven't been ready to write this very post, and i couldn't throw scottish bottle out until i did. (i say once more: i know. this isn't how normal people feel.)
and.
roberta the nose ring.
my nose has been trying to eat roberta for about a year now... she just keeps sinking in. and most people don't realize i have my nose pierced at all. except when i explain that no, that isn't a booger falling out of my nostril, it's my nose ring's corkscrew slipping out. again... so. i've been wanting to let her go, but also not wanting to regret my decision because i don't take piercings well and i'm NOT about to change my mind about wanting a nose ring and have to start over. no! but like letting my belly button ring go in scotland, i feel like roberta isn't an important part of my look anymore. she's run her course, and i've loved her for many years, and now i'm ready for a metal-free face.
i got roberta sometime around 2nd year university. i was doing a 'globe-al' mascot gig that day, and cynthia jones was assisting me. (it was the father's day event that was run at northlands horse races... for the record.) i can't remember if we went on the way to the job, or on the way home, but i do remember that i didn't tell mom and dad. cause i was so mischievous like that. badass. roberta was a great addition to my face, and i loved having her around. even if, sometimes, she got caught in washclothes and really really hurt. i'll miss you, roberta.
okay. done. letting go. ugh.
also. in the same spirit. sort of. i'm letting go of my obsessive, controlling nature. at least with regard to my eyebrows. new project! growing in. the eyebrows. no tweezing allowed. (except in the middle. that's allowed.) i'm doubtful that they'll grow in in a desirable, full, sort of way. but i'm going to try. i'll keep you updated. as they get all unruly and whatnot.
finally. because all of this is wearing me out. (and i'm listening to joel plaskett, which is also pretty emo-causing...) here's a lighthearted picture of margene and i sticking out our tongues. taken a little while back, when i could still fit her in my hoodie.
